Thursday, March 27, 2014

The Hui Ee you know, died today.

Breaking up with you on the 25th of March, was indeed a big blow to me. NEVER in my life, I hated someone so much before. I can't rant this elsewhere, I can't rant this to anyone (aside my closest friends), I can't make it official on Twitter and Facebook cause I'm waiting for you to do so. Talking to you like a normal friend, pretending nothing happened, do you really think it's easy for me? You said you still want to talk to me as a friend, I hated every single moment of it. Even Snapchat triggers every feeling! Every single bit of it. I held in my tears, I tried not to cry. I have to muster up enough courage to do it all the time.

It's the 28th today. We were supposed to celebrate our monthversary. It's my sister's birthday as well. I hate this number. I really hate it! 28th. Will be one of the dates I hate in my life.

We have been through so much. I feel like your dummy. You led me on. Do you ever have genuine feelings for me before? Catch a falling star? It's such a contradiction that I fell hard and no ones there to catch me. Your reason of breaking up?

1) You don't know what's out there for you to explore
2) You have this strong urge to know how it feels like to be single
3) You engaged yourself in so many social activities that you don't have time for me
4) You don't want to hurt me anymore

I had the urge of knowing how it feels like to be single, but I will never give up on someone I love the most. Loving you, has been the best times of my life. Why can't you balance both social activities and me in your life? I'm only asking for 1 hour of your time of skyping and you can't even do it. You said you have tried, but can't you try harder? Sacrificing for me was never an option for you all these while. What I find pathetic is that you asked your friend to be there for me when I'm at the lowest point in my life. You said you will be there for me till I'm ready to let go. Im not an object FYI.

Reason is?

You feel bad.

I find myself stupid for loving you. I would do anything just to be with you, just to message you all the time.  I even ran out in the cold, to the university just to get an internet access so I would be able to talk to you when Optus line was down. It's so stupid. I'm stupid.

The night we broke, within one hour you deleted all of my photos and our memories together. This proves how fast you can get over it. How much more heartless can you be?

You asked me not be attached to anyone in this 4 months period. Okay fine,  I will wait till you decide what's best for you. Your call. I am the one who always have to do the waiting, but what if it's not worth the wait?

There's so many things that I don't know about you. You did things that you have not told me about. Who ended up telling me? Your friends. This is unbearable. All of these, are lies.

What we have been through are all lies.

Your friends are having a birthday surprise for you, and apparently it's supposed to be a secret away from me. They played it this way. You played it this way. Way to go guys. If you all feed on my misery, go on. I'm left with nothing but a broken heart. You win. You all win. I know I'm not in a position to know about it.

How much more do you want to hurt me?

I wish I have never met you before.

I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to be given false hope. I don't want to wait.

I will shut myself down completely.

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